Umm... yeah, don't expect this blog to be of "news journalist level" material; this blog is just about me and the shit I go through, so that I have somewhere to "put" it all instead of it spinning around in my head all day. Yeah, I'm a little nuts. ("Aren't we all?"... umm, well yes, but I'm a little more nuts than everyone else, so shush your cliche-spoutin' face-hole, and read!)
So! A little about me! My name is Lindsey, I am 21 years young, I'm 5'4" (yes I define myself as "fun-sized!" DEAL WITH IT!), and I have "alphabet soup," as my mother lovingly calls it.
- I have Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, (ADHD) type 1
Type 1: meaning I was born with it, it didn't appear in adolescence or adulthood; I came out my mom's pooper with it!
It's like having ADD, where you're easily distracted... only with less impulse control motorskills, and more SPEED! - I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
Or CDO... it's OCD in THE CORRECT ORDER!
I've gotten better with this one, since I used to need to tap a light switch twice before turning it off/on, but I still prefer odd numbers, certain words/sounds, and I'm a grammar nazi like nobody's business! - I have Insomnia
I can't sleep when I have to, but I do when I don't want to! I can't sleep for shit at night, but usually by the time the sun is up I'll be drowsy, and while I'm doing schoolwork in the afternoon I'll fall asleep in the middle of writing. X( - I have General Anxiety Disorder (GAD)
My anxiety has anxiety!
I worry about how I look/act/sound in front of others, and I'm super shy in front of strangers (AT FIRST). I worry all the time about stupid stuff like my skin, my OCD, my eyes not being equally centered, my feet, my legs, my teeth looking yellow, smiling at someone in case they start to stalk me, voicing my opinion (because if I do it a little then the WHOLE THING has to come out and run them over!), etc, and it gets exhausting! - I have Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD)
I have heightened/super-sensitive senses... I think that because my brain is so fucked up, my senses sharpened to make up for it? Kinda like when someone goes blind, they can hear better!
I hear better than the average person.
(This one sucks... My brain translates certain noises as PAIN FREQUENCIES! I can hear dog whistles, and I can tell when your car's break-pads are starting to go bad by the high-pitched screech ripping through the air, and THEY HURT TO HEAR!)
I can taste a little better than the average person.
(I can tell what brand of milk I'm drinking with my eyes blindfolded, and I can also tell if someone uses a sugar-substitute in something, and which one it is without looking!)
I can see a little better than the average person?
(Okay, so at night I'm blind AF, and bright lights hurt my brain through my eyes around mid-day, but when there's low light... I'M LIKE A HAWK!)
I can smell better than the average person.
(I can tell if there's something on fire over 5 miles away from my location, and then I can tell you where the emergency vehicles are when they start going off towards the smell!)
I can feel things better than the average person.
(This one kind of sucks... I'm not ticklish, but I can feel if ANYTHING, and I mean ANYTHING, gets under my skin! You name it! Bug stings, splinters, cuts, small pieces of dirt/sand, fat or pus nodules/bubbles, and NEEDLES! Even Acupuncture needles!) - I have Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS)
I have to drink a powder that I stir into my juice every night before bed, or else the next day I'll be on the toilet crying, screaming, and having the worst running diarrhea you've ever seen! If I have too much chocolate or caffeine, or ANY artificial sweetener, my body basically does a "purge-reset" and my intestines secrete an ACID to melt everything down, and then spasmodically gives me contractions, similar to labor pains, to get everything OUT! I usually end up with burns and/or hemorrhoids around my colon by the end of everything, and the pain gets so bad that sometimes I just pass out and fall onto the bathroom floor. :( - I have Depression
This one hit me BEFORE puberty did, and I can't remember a SINGLE DAY (before I was 19) where I didn't hate myself in some way, shape, or form, and want to die. I didn't want to kill myself until I was 15/16, but I just didn't want to live anymore. - I have Bi-Polar Disorder type 2 (Manic-Depressive type)
My moods and emotions swing on a pendulum between anxiety and depression, with rarely ever a moment in-between, since it's almost impossible to find a middle ground while at a "full swing." It's hard for me to determine whether things ARE as bad as they seem, or if it's JUST MY BULLSHIT. XD
And that's a little about who I am, or at least what I deal with on a daily basis... in my head. I will be posting more, but for now, I have schoolwork to go do before I ADD off to some la-la-land again! I'll try to remember to post more soon! :)
Later!
